One of the most important things I've came me to realize in my life when it comes to trying to help someone, is that advice doesn't work.

I’m feeling scared right now. Because what I’m about to share with you is really vulnerable and I’m afraid of what you may think of me.

I think I realized why certain things don't interest me and sometimes bother me like being a die hard sports fan, voting and choosing republican or democrat, being religious and choosing what god I believe in. It's because all of these things cause separation and conflict between people.

It seems like a lot of people think that if we have a "bad" feeling like anxiety or fear in our stomach or throat that there is something wrong and we need to make it go away. We do all kinds of things to avoid feeling bad so we reach to alcohol, medication, binging on food, binging on tv, etc which only temporarily helps but in the long term leads to more "bad" feelings.

I’ve come to realize that there are a few parts of ourselves that need to be healed relentlessly again and again in order to eliminate our suffering.

The part of us that doesn’t feel loved and accepted - self love

The past 10+ years I have been on this endless search for happiness and fulfillment. I've gone deep down the rabbit hole searching for spiritual enlightenment. After investing over 40K trying pretty much every kind of tool, method, strategy, psychology principle, therapy, self love practice, awareness practice, subconscious mind technique, working with a zen monk, career coaches, mindset coaches, nutritionists, experimenting with different psychedelics to confront my inner demons, on and on and on I've come to realize the only problem is............

It was winter of 2000 right before college finals when I woke up to a room full of police raiding my room for drugs. They questioned and talked down to me like I was a REAL criminal. When they found what they came looking for I was handcuffed and taken away. As I walked across school campus students were starring at me while I was being escorted to the police car in my boxers (police not allowing me to put my pants on). It was about 20 degrees outside with 3 feet of snow on the ground.

Most of my life from age 12 - 34 I always felt like there was something wrong with me. When was 12 years old I was held down and jumped by my best friend and 6 other people. I was verbally abused everyday being called an idiot in my home and at school. I was put into reading disabled classes in high school. I was put into therapy when I was really young because according to my parents there was something wrong with me and the way I was acting. In college a so called friend got me arrested, kicked out of school and thrown in jail for selling drugs so I was then labeled as a drug dealer.