I’m feeling scared right now. Because what I’m about to share with you is really vulnerable and I’m afraid of what you may think of me.
What I'm about to talk about got me in trouble with the law, kicked out of college, thrown in jail and caused my parents a great deal of pain.
Yet here’s what I believe:
Everyone should take psychedelics at least once.
It was Thanksgiving of 2016, I arrived in Las Vegas for the holidays and soon realized I had forgotten my anxiety meds (xanax). The problem was, I had been taking them everyday for the past 10 years.
I was addicted.
I started freaking out because I knew that I could not function properly without it.
In the past when I didn't take xanax for whatever reason my withdrawal symptoms kicked in. I would start feeling like a paranoid schizophrenic. Every little sound would startle me. I would start talking to myself and then I would think people could hear me talking to myself. I was paralyzed with terror and I thought somehow people were out to get me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I would try to speak and it would be extremely difficult to form words.
Going through these withdrawals I felt like I was on the worst drug ever. It felt like I was in a dream world, a bad nightmare. My vision would get distorted. Objects and faces would start to melt and morph into scary patterns. It felt like the world was spinning and every step I took was a struggle.
I was deathly afraid to drive, it was incredibly difficult to focus on anything for more than 5 seconds, I was terrified to leave the house. I felt like a hopeless baby.
Just the thought of going through my day without Xanax brought up these experiences all over again. I knew I could not be around my wife's family that way. I was starting to affect everyone around me. The only option I felt I had at the time was to go to the hospital, so I went. When I got there, they treated me like a drug addict and were very resistant to give me medication. My doctor gave me this medication so easily and now that I need help, I get treated like a drug addict? Something seemed off about this system. After getting tested and a lot of back and forth they finally gave me a small dose of Xanax to hold me over.
I’ve had countless experiences in the past of being treated like a drug addict. I’ve taken many days off of work because I could not function. I endured so much pain, over and over dealing with medications, doctors, pharmacies, unable to get medication, being treated like a drug addict that I was fed up and DONE with it.
I tried so many times before to get off Xanax with no success. This time was different, I DECIDED I was going to do whatever it took to get off this medication which I had been a slave to for 10 years.
What did I do? What any normal person would do.
I decided to go camping in the mountains for 4 days and take psychedelic mushrooms. (joke)
I knew I had to get away, out in nature, out where I’ve had my greatest breakthroughs.
I took along with me psychedelic mushrooms because I knew It would show me things I couldn't see for myself.
There was an inner knowing that this was a MUST, to be done with this drug once and for all.
Here’s what I learned over the next 3 nights, taking mushrooms.
I laid down in my tent at night, ate the mushrooms, put on my headphones, meditation music, and just waited. 30 or so minutes went by and my journey began.
It started with this really uncomfortable, scary feeling, almost as if I was at the top of a rollercoaster on my way down.
When I felt uncomfortable I would start to control my experience by looking at my phone, putting on music, an audiobook, moving around, changing my focus, anything but feeling and embracing my uncomfortable experience. I would go in circles. Uncomfortable - distraction - another distraction - another distraction - Uncomfortable. The more I tried to resist and control my experience the more uncomfortable and worse it got. After so long of going in circles, suffering, It just made more sense to let go and surrender to my feelings and the experience I was most afraid of.
Once I surrendered, counterintuitively I started to enjoy my experience. I started feeling a deep sense of peace and complete presence. The experience and visuals got more intense. But Instead of feeling fear, I felt excitement. Dozens upon dozens of insights started coming to me.
I saw areas of my life that I was neglecting
I saw how much people cared about me
I had a deep sense of compassion for people I hated in the past
It allowed me to see how my mind was operating and how I created my own suffering
I saw how social conditioning from society creates a lot of our mental health issues
I felt like god
Everything I ever wanted to know, just made sense
So many more insights and things happened that I cannot explain. It is a spiritual experience that cannot be described in words.
So you might be asking now, how did this help you get off Xanax?
It made me realize why I started taking Xanax in the first place. It was because I was afraid of my own feelings of anxiety. I was running away from my feelings by suppressing them through medication, alcohol or whatever way possible. It wasn't until I was able to see how I was creating my own suffering that I was able to learn how to change it.
Let me just say that psychedelics were not the final solution but they were the gateway that started my healing process.
Over those 4 days I relentlessly embraced my anxiety. Welcoming it, loving it, listening to it, asking what are you trying to tell me? Over and over and over again. Through that process I also had a higher purpose. I was getting off this medication not only for myself but to be an inspiration to others. All the times in the past I tried to do it for myself, it wasn't a strong enough reason to push through the nightmare I went through.
The biggest lesson I learned was
“What you resist, persists” - carl Jung
On a daily basis we all suffer with this on a small scale. We hold onto stress, fear, anxiety, anger like it’s actually helping us. Since it’s on a small scale, it doesn't make it obvious that it’s an issue. Psychedelics will intensify those feelings X1000 to the point where you just have to let go and embrace the experience.
I’m happy to say 8 months later I am Xanax free.
It has not been easy at all and it’s a daily practice of self love, loving and listening to my feelings, continuing to do the inner work that I’m able to live with less anxiety and more enjoyment in my life. I do it all to inspire others who want to do the same.
I can tell you from my experience when you can truly let go and not let your experiences of anxiety and fear control you, that is real freedom.
Here are just a few things I accomplished in my life when I chose love over fear
- Left my corporate career to pursue work that deeply fulfills me
- Felt free of anxiety and insecurities
- Discovered my purpose in life
- Socializing became effortless which is something I struggled with my entire life
- 100’s of hours helping people all over the world overcome their fears and discover work that deeply fulfills them
- Became the person I thought I could never be, a leader
- Trained, mentored and coached by my heroes
- Going on stage at live events
- Got off anxiety medication after 10 years of being highly addicted
- Married to a woman I love
- Creating vulnerable videos on social media
- Feeling very grateful and confident about myself and my life
If you decide to try Psychedelics, be smart, do your research and do so at your own risk.
I believe if everyone tried psychedelics at least once that would have a massive impact on the world. It would change people's relationship to themselves and everyone around them.
To go much deeper into breaking free from anxiety and stepping into your soul calling apply here.