These photos are a reflection of my life 15 years ago when I thought it was all over.
It was winter of 2000 right before college finals when I woke up to a room full of police raiding my room for drugs. They questioned and talked down to me like I was a REAL criminal. When they found what they came looking for I was handcuffed and taken away. As I walked across school campus students were starring at me while I was being escorted to the police car in my boxers (police not allowing me to put my pants on). It was about 20 degrees outside with 3 feet of snow on the ground.
I was taken to the police station. Then into a court room where I had to call home. I called my mom to tell her the bad news "Mom I was arrested for selling LSD". Those words crushed my soul. This was an all time low for me and I just wanted to shrivel up and die. It was like a bad nightmare that I just wanted to wake up out of, but I never woke up. Reality kicked in and I was thrown into a jail cell. When lunch time came I sat down by a TV when the news came on "top news, college student arrested in drug raid" my mug shot came up on the screen with me in tears while every other inmate was watching.
I asked myself what did I do to deserve this? I'm not even a drug dealer. I was set up by a police informant that I thought was a friend. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Why me? Why aren't they going after REAL criminals? I asked myself. While I was playing the victim game then, I now take responsibility that I screwed up. Even though in my mind I wasn't a REAL criminal I still made really poor decisions. I spent about 2 weeks in jail before being released on bail then spent 1 year going back and forth to court then finally being sentenced to 60 days in Jail.
I remember the day my dad drove me to jail. Right before I got in the car I was in the bathroom and had all these thoughts racing through my mind. It had felt like I was about to be sentenced to lethal injection. I wanted to take my own life, I just wanted to end it all and stop being a burden on everyone else. But then I sucked it up because I realized I couldn't do that to my family. I had to get it over with and get on with my life, so I did. I got in the car and off to Jail I went.
If I would of continued down this path of poor decisions I could of spent a lifetime in prison or worse.
Looking back on things now I wouldn't change anything because it has made me the person I am today. I'm glad I experimented and experienced all the BAD crazy shit I desired and didn't desire back then to get it out of my system.
I think its good to reflect back on your past when things seem really tough and it feels like you just want to give up.
I believe it gives you a wake up call to tell yourself "oh, shit that was me? I guess things really aren't that bad after all".
It's allowed me to see that I have survived many obstacles in my life and I'm still here alive and breathing.
Its allowed me to be grateful that I am at a point in my life where most people struggle to even get to. Even though it doesn't seem that way sometimes.
It allowed me to push myself further. Because if I could survive all of my past, I can survive what I'm worried about now and anything that comes my way in the future.
So even if you haven't had a rough past and are struggling with worry, fear, stepping into the unknown. etc you can look at others that have really, really struggled that have risen above with very little and say to yourself "shit if he could do it, I can do it. What the Fuck am I worrying about"
I remember a time when I had a deep conversation with a homeless person who was missing a leg. He told me that he got hit by a car and the person backed up again to leave him for dead. I said "Wow! you must be so angry at that person". I can't remember the exact response but he responded in a positive way where he forgave that person, he was grateful to be alive and have the very little that he still had.
Ever since that day it has changed my perception on life.
Whenever I forget and get wrapped up in my own worries, I think back to that man and his mentality on life. It allows me to see that things are really not that bad after all.
This is what motivates me to be a coach. Having a deep powerful conversation that could potentially change the way people see and approach life in an empowering way for the rest of their lives.